‘Tis The Season To Be Intentional
The holidays are no joke. It's a joyous time of togetherness, gratitude, and overall festiveness filled with numerous auspicious events and gatherings from many cultures and religions. However, it can be a very busy, stressful, sad, and lonely time as well, in addition to being an exhausting time with all the planning, travel, cooking, decorating, entertaining, shopping, gifting, and everything else the season entails. Humorously the holidays have earned a bit of a sided, yet mixed reputation depending on who you ask.
Back in the day, the holidays were about the positives favoring the outcomes rather than the arduous journey it took to get there. But even in the last couple of decades, there's been a shift shining more light on that journey with countless movies, shows, cartoons, and other media that have had plots revolving around this aspect.
As an example, look at Christmas with the Kranks (2004). In this movie, the parents decide not to go all out for Christmas and instead go on a cruise for themselves since their adult daughter confirms she won't be coming home for the holidays. Not only does the entire neighborhood, who are Christmas enthusiasts, freak out over the loss of participation from 1 house, but they go out of their way to shame, pressure, and bully the Kranks into doing what they want. Emotions run high, and egos are left to run amok, only to get a last-minute call that the daughter IS coming home and is looking forward to the holiday cheer. Now the parents are in a frenzy getting everything in order, from party planning, food prep, decorations, getting back on the good side with the neighbors, and much more. In the end, the daughter is happy, and the parents learn that they should just do the Christmas thing because Christmas.
One movie in recent years that attempts to take this concept a little further is A Bad Moms Christmas (2017). In this movie, a group of moms struggles to balance everything traditionally put on them to make Christmas "special" for their families. Making matters worse each main character has a surprise visit from their own moms and has to deal with their different perspectives about how the holidays should be. Overworked, overburdened, and under-appreciated, the main characters try to take back the holiday and do a little bit for themselves while still finding a way to have a fulfilling Christmas without burning out. By the end, everyone has a newfound respect for each other, has set firm but acceptable boundaries both ways, and celebrates the holiday with their respective families.
When learning "lessons" from holiday movies, remember that each story, even the ones based on truth, is just a fantasy cut down to fit a 90-minute window and should be taken with a grain of salt. Sadly this is easily overlooked. In fact, Nush loves holiday movies and has dreamed of that happy big Christmas morning scene becoming a reality. Now her mindset has shifted towards the more realistic and peaceful joys of the holiday season in her own way instead.
We aren't advocating "holidays - bad, being selfish - good," instead, we're learning and sharing from our experience that you can have healthy boundaries or do things your way; whatever form that may take. Ultimately, it's up to you how you want to celebrate the festivities. For example, doing traditions because "we always do it" isn't always going to cut it as a reason to participate in something that doesn't bring you joy or isn't something you want to be a part of regardless of if you were a part of them in the past.
We shouldn't be putting so much stock in how others perceive us. They have no idea what we're going through or have gone through. Just because somebody doesn't want to do something doesn't immediately make them a heartless scrooge or mean that they hate spending time with their family.
Speaking of which, familial obligations coinciding with traditions during the holidays are a tricky business. Do we need to put so much pressure on being there just because the holiday dictates it? In Doza's case, he's grown up in close proximity to his family, and there's been that pressure to have that perfect holiday with everyone present, but he's always struggled to connect with people in large group settings throughout his life.
Making things more complicated, it also seems as though more negativity and drama creep up as you get older, change, and are more aware of those around you. So why would anyone want to put themselves in that position? That's why we have tried to adopt a different approach though it isn't without a few growing pains. You shouldn't have to put yourself in situations that don't make you comfortable just because you share DNA, a last name, or upbringing with others. It doesn't automatically mean you have to bend over backward to forgo things that make you happy for someone else's sake.
We've both learned that having intimate gatherings with an actual opportunity to connect outside big shindigs has been much more fulfilling. It gives us a chance to learn more about the people we care about and leads to more intentional and rewarding experiences all around. Figuring out that balance is up to you, and there are other ways to show your love, care, and presence outside the confines of traditional holiday assumptions.
Even with all the hustle and bustle around the holidays, it's still so easy to feel sad or lonely. When you're constantly bombarded with what you should be doing according to family, friends, society, commercials, etc., it's hard not to feel bad. Everything out there is telling you that the holidays are here, and they must be done a certain way or else you're not going to have a good time. You're going to waste your holiday. There's always a checklist of things to buy/do to prevent that from happening.
Year after year, it doesn't let up, and if you can't keep up with it all, you risk being left behind, alone and isolated from what you could be experiencing. And for so many, the holidays serve as a heavy-handed reminder of what you don't have or aren't realistically capable of achieving. It's exhausting. But what if you cut yourself some slack now and then? Maybe listen to all the buzzing and drumming a little less? Accept that things can't always be "perfect," and there's nothing wrong with that?
To wrap it back to reflect on this past month, we finally took the first step in what we believe is the right direction and opted to spend Thanksgiving with just each other this year. While we have done this once before during the peak of COVID, this year was the first time we fully made this decision for ourselves. It was incredibly peaceful and liberating. It was also a much-needed break from everything. While we did take a week off from content creation earlier this month to focus on a big work project, we never truly got a break to relax, and that's what the Thanksgiving holiday weekend became for us.
We still cooked some of our favorite things, put up some holiday decorations, napped a lot, did a little gaming, watched some movies, did some light shopping with all the great deals, and used the time to reenergize rather than drain ourselves out.
So yes, the holidays can be a time of great joy and happiness and certainly got its title "the most wonderful time of the year" from doing something right, but it can be associated with many other feelings too. When figuring out what is right for you and what makes you happy, be kind and patient with others, and most importantly yourself, while remembering to be intentional with how you truly want to observe the season. Create new traditions or mix them up a little every year. After all, seasons change, things change, and even you change. And there is nothing wrong with change.
Thank you for reading and reflecting with us. We hope you have been enjoying these monthly retrospectives, and we wish you all an intentional start to December!
